Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
