So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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