I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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