Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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