you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
We are all done wearing pants today
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
