the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
