Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
that is very illegal...i love you.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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