I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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