I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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