You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
