Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
