I bet he comes in French.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
