Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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