Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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