put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
