I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
that is very illegal...i love you.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
