How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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