I understand Curling. That high.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
