I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
