Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
3 2 1 whiskey
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
