Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
