Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It's shark week go big or go home
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
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