I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
