my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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