if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
At least make sure they are 18
Why
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
