ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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