I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
