just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
