I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
