I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
