I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
