only if we run a train.
done.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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