thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
