he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
So much rum. So many feels.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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