when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
she pinky promised me she was 18
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
