ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
