Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
