we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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