It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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