yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I said "one day" and that day is not today
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
