Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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