I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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