forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
