I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
