I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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