last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
