there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
