I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
