Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Randomize
