Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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